Not Goodbye
by Dream Pyre
Summary: Mello's about to leave Wammys, and everyone's just learned of L's death. Mello has insecurities, Matt can't sleep, and the world isn't waiting. I wrote an actual story. Not a character study. A story. I think the world has ended. Not romance.


Let's see... a random thought occurred to me, followed by another random thought, a few whims, and possibly another random thought. Translation: don't take this too seriously. Mello and Matt are probably out of character, but I'm going to claim that sleep deprivation and shock/stress account for it. As to the referenced cause of Near playing with toys... I don't even know. I thought of it, I wrote it, and eleutheriac has now read it and threatened murder if I edited it out. Basically, this is as close to a crack story as you're ever going to get from me, and a lot closer than I expected from myself. On the other hand, I've actually managed to write a sort of story rather than a character study. So, regardless of reality-defiance, enjoy.

...Oh, and be warned, Mello swears a couple times. 

* * *

"Mello."

Mello turned his head to see Matt standing in his doorway, looking tired and leaning against the frame in a way that might look cool two or three years in the future. "I'm leaving."

"I know." Matt interpreted the lack of screaming to get out as an invitation and walked into the room, dragging Mello's chair over by the open window to sit.

"You're not changing my mind."

"I know. I was bored and knew you'd be up."

"Shouldn't you be asleep?" Mello didn't quite glance at Matt, still slumped tiredly in the chair, as he finished folding clothes and packing them into his suitcase.

"I haven't slept in two days."

"Since—but Roger didn't even tell anyone else that L had died until today. Late today." Mello did turn around now. Matt was still in the chair, staring at the air in front of him without seeing it.

Matt blinked and laughed shortly. "He used a computer program to alert Roger. I knew before Roger did." He waved his hand vaguely. "Everything here's on computers. I know everything that happens." Matt shivered as a breeze came through the window.

Mello smelled the breeze, took two steps and leaned out his window. "Who the hell is smoking out there this late?"

"That's me, sorry." Matt sounded much more tired and cold than sorry.

Mello stared at him. "Since when do you smoke?"

Matt shrugged. "Two days ago. I've been doing a lot of stuff. Set up a bunch of links and access all over the world, so I can keep some track of you. I found 'em a while ago, figured they'd help me stay awake. It worked."

"Yeah, and then they'll kill you! What about the caffeine potions you always used to drink?"

"Energy drinks. And I always used to drink them. They don't do much anymore until I get close to lethal caffeine levels." He pulled a half-empty miniature bottle out of his pocket and waved it at Mello. "I tried. Didn't work."

Mello scowled and dropped down to sit on his bed. "So you're going to kill yourself instead."

Matt shrugged and dropped the bottle. "The caffeine would kill me quicker if I drink enough to stay awake. Cigarettes I can quit."

"Yeah, Near did that, and he only managed to quit when he started playing with little kid toys all the time so that his hands would be too busy to pick a cigarette up."

Matt shrugged. "Maybe I'll do that then. I haven't had time to play videogames, they sound interesting." He yawned. "All I've done so far in my life is class and hacking stuff. I'd like to do something normal before I die."

"You're not going to die. No one is. That's the _point_."

Matt raised an eyebrow. "L died."

Mello glared. "Yes. And I'm going to go stop Kira before he kills anyone else."

Matt shook his head. "He's killed other people already."

"I only wanted to be L so I could keep anyone else from dying. Including L. He's what the world needs, not Kira." Another breeze came in the window, lifting Mello's hair and bringing the smell of cigarettes to him again. He punched the bed. "Fuck it! I can't even protect you from your own stupid ideas."

Matt watched him for a few seconds before speaking. "Just because I don't compete doesn't mean I'm not smart. I knew what I was doing. I had to get the basis of all my access to a bunch of places quickly in case L set up an alert to the UN or some government that he'd died. That meant I had to stay up, that meant I needed something to keep me up, and this was the most effective and least dangerous way to do it." He stretched. "I've still got more to do, but they aren't as likely to be alerted, so I've got more time with them."

"Why didn't you—"

"I did as soon as I saw the alert. L's computer had everything completely deleted from it. I tried getting the info back. Only useful thing I got was that the computer was somewhere in Japan, then it went offline. If anyone knows whose it is it's going to be completely scrapped and replaced so that I can't get anything off of it."

Mello sighed. "Fuck. Japan, huh?"

"Yeah. There's an old UN broadcast with a fake L to some region in Japan." Matt yawned. "Too tired to remember where. Videos between the Kiras, too."

"Send me that in a few weeks."

"Soon as I can."

Mello sat silently for a few more minutes, then stood up and began walking around his room, looking for anything else to pack. Matt watched him. They both knew it was just an excuse to pace.

After several minutes he stopped and faced Matt. "What's Near doing?"

"Leaving too, probably going to eventually work with the USA government. I'm not sure what he's going to do in the meantime, though. I can track him too."

"Government. He would." Mello scowled. "I can't do anything without him finding a better way to do it."

Matt watched him for a moment, then stood up, waved him over and pointed out the window. "See that star?"

Mello took a second to guess which Matt was pointing at. "Yeah."

"It's bright, right? And pretty?"

"Yeah. So what?"

Matt waved his arm again, this time at the sky. "So are the other stars. And the moon when it's not new. Doesn't mean that star isn't bright or isn't pretty."

"Yeah, but when the moon is out, it's brighter."

"Only because it's closer. Anyone closer to a star knows it's a lot brighter than the moon."

"Yeah, but no one is closer to that star."

"Fine." Matt jabbed his finger down at the floor. "That one, then."

Mello turned a smile into a smirk. "We're standing on the sun?"

"No, it's just beneath our feet. We're standing on top of the world."

"Smoking doesn't make most people poetic."

"Most people don't have to convince you to ignore insecurities you won't admit at five in the morning." Matt shrugged before Mello could retort. "Just remember that. I won't be able to remind you myself for a while." He smirked. Before Mello could back away from the dangerous expression Matt grabbed his hair and pulled it in front of his face. "We already know you're sun colored, anyway."

Mello yanked his hair out of Matt's grip. "I don't like you tired. You lose inhibitions."

"Yeah, imagine what'll happen if I ever get drunk."

"Smoking is bad enough, don't you even dare start."

Matt sighed, shrugged and leaned on the window still. "We're going after Kira, Mello. None of us are going to live long enough for it to matter anyway. Neither is Near." He paused for an instant. "Or anyone else that helps us. I don't think anyone else here will though. They've always set the three of us apart. Well, set you and Near apart, and dropped me in because I kept following."

"We're all going to live. That's why I'm going after Kira. And you need to sleep."

"So do you." Matt pointed at the horizon, where the darkness was beginning to start to fade. "You need to leave too. I should've made you sleep."

"I can miss one night of sleep." Mello went back to the bag he'd packed, zipping it closed. "I'll just get to the next town and stop at a hotel, then tomorrow I can go."

Matt shook his head. "Roger has to pretend to try to find you. You need to get further." He picked the half-empty bottle up off the floor and handed it to Mello. "Here. Don't drink much at a time." He pointed at Mello's chocolate stash, which no one was supposed to have known about. "And take all of that too. It'll help keep you awake."

"I already packed it all. How long have you known where it was?"

Matt shrugged. "A while. You order chocolate online without letting Roger know. That's the most logical place to hide it."

"Right." Mello tucked the caffeine potion bottle into a pocket, and made a mental note to periodically do very illogical things from now on. "I'll leave in an hour."

Matt nodded and started walking out of the room. "I'll make sure no one's watching out the door."

"Make sure I get anything you have on Kira."

"Soon as I track you down to one place you'll have it." The door swung shut behind Matt and clicked.

Mello noticed that neither of them had said goodbye.

An hour later Mello walked out the front gate of Wammys House, without seeing or hearing anyone since Matt left his room. He got out of sight on the road, tucked his hair up under a hat, and hid behind a large, leafless tree to eat a chocolate bar and look at the Western horizon, where the stars weren't all faded yet. He blinked as a small group of stars flashed red, then smirked as he recognized an airplane's lights flying by the star Matt had first pointed out.

Mello finished the chocolate, shoved the wrapper into his pocket and grinned.

Goodbye wouldn't have been accurate anyway.


End file.
